tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66313057556245048762024-03-13T00:30:28.799-07:00Kiwi Brain Tumour SurvivorA New Zealand Woman's Journey of Survival With a Brain Tumour - From 1994 to the Present Day.gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-30105403656012640282014-06-06T17:18:00.001-07:002014-06-06T17:18:37.861-07:00WEIGHING UP THE ODDS BEFORE DECIDING ON RADIOTHERAPY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I have very
recently discovered a diary from mid-2002 that I had journalled in before we
decided on whether or not I was going to have radiotherapy later that year. In
this journal I talked about an appointment in March of that year where we had
to weigh up the pros and cons of my having the treatment. I will directly quote
the journal from here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">___________________________________________________<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“We’ve just
arrived home after my appointment with Dr Law regarding the question of whether to have radiotherapy
or not. Also having been given the added extra of the long-term outlook with my
tumour and that it will undoubtedly shorten my life-span.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">This one
hour’s appt has made this a huge day with overwhelming issues discussed and
covered. There is the prospect of radiotherapy, but there is also the issue of
when is the right time to have it – now, as a ‘pro-active’ way of stopping the
tumor growing further, or once I am getting more symptoms from the tumor which
would indicate further growth or change. What I am not so keen on though, is
the prospect of these symptoms. Mr Law stated that once these symptoms had
occurred they would be irreversible – I am not at all convinced at this stage that
I want to wait until these symptoms occur. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Dr Law has
also stated today that the tumour <i>has </i>changed, it has changed in form.
Last week Dr Hepner (Mr Law’s registrar) stated that the tumor had
‘progressing’ nodules in it. This meant that the cancer cells were increasing
in those areas, but not that they had spread outside the tumor. The tumor has
not in any way spread, but it has increased in size, and any expansion in this
area of the brain is of some concern. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Amongst all
the ‘to deal with now’ things, the one thing that has thrown me the most was
being reminded of my mortality. Dr Law stated that having the tumor will
undoubtedly shorten my life-span. This is not something that I have ever accepted,
nor something that I coped well with hearing really (not that that I ever show
that in an appointment. One has to remain emotionally calm to take in all that
is being loaded on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">But after an
appointment like this there are just so so many things to think about. So many
that one overloaded brain can’t possibly attempt to do so and cope. And yet,
even when I’m not consciously aware that I’m thinking about it, I find myself
trying to prepare myself for the ‘worst case scenarios’. I don’t know why my
mind is automatically doing this again. After 2000, when nearly all the worst case
scenarios did happen, I decided that I would never try and foresee what was
going to happen as God would be with me at that time and give me the strength
to go on. It’s the whole point of Matthew 6v. 34 (“therefore do not worry about
your tomorrow as tomorrow will bring its own worries”). We should not be worrying
about tomorrow (and the anxieties it may hold) as God promises to be there in
that tomorrow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">You know, I
think that the whole ‘worst case scenario’ thing is most certainly a defense
mechanism. In mentally preparing oneself for the event you are somehow left
with this false sense of security that if it was then to occur, you would be
able to stay calm about it regardless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Although I
know that none of us are immortal; although I know that I am so blessed to have
had the eight years that I have had (since I was diagnosed), I still find a
small part of me crying out ‘please God, please let me have more’. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">More time, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">More living, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">More love, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">More chances
for giving<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">More chances
to communicate God’s peace to others through this foggy complexity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My greatest
desire of all is to fulfill God’s purpose for my life. It is something I have
little control over, and something that I have to trust Him completely with.
For He is the only one in all of this that does know all the answers, reasons
and outcomes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He is the only
one that does know when the right time for me to have radiotherapy is. The only
one that knows what the outcome of that will be. God is the only one that will
be there with me through every moment of my today and my tomorrows. For aside
from this entire tumor / radiotherapy thing, there is also the searing reality
of this chronic ongoing pain, though I do feel that I am starting to manage
that much better now days. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The reality is,
that it is only through that pain that I have come to know the moment by moment
comfort, assurance, peace and reality that God has on offer.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">_______________________________________________________<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What I found
quite amazing in rediscovering and reading this journal entry is that we followed
what we felt God was guiding us to do – for me to go ahead and have radiotherapy. Now,
as a result of doing so, I no longer have a brain tumour. Even though Mr Law had
said that my tumour would undoubtedly shorten my life-span, this is actually no
longer the case. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It is
extraordinary to me to see how God was faithful right from giving us as a sense
of which direction to go in with the radiotherapy to, little by little,
shrinking my brain tumour until our finding out in March 2013 that it no longer
exists. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Something we
have learnt over the years is to go where peace goes. God didn’t direct us
about whether or not to have radiotherapy through words written in the clouds,
nor a distinct vision, but rather that we began to feel complete peace and
confidence that this was the right way to go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It is hard to
put in words how incredibly privileged, blessed and fortunate I feel that this was
the case. I feel confidence in knowing that wherever God leads me is the
right direction to go in. To know that even though I can’t see into my future that
I can trust in the God who has known it since before I was born.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-75048375841964690062014-04-05T19:51:00.001-07:002014-04-06T01:53:58.688-07:00'EXCHANGING THE OVERWHELMING FOR REST' - WRITTEN BEFORE RADIOTHERAPY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Prior to my having
radiotherapy in 2002 I found some things quite overwhelming. However, in God I
found rest. I wrote this poem 2 months before having radiotherapy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><u><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">EXCHANGING
THE OVERWHELMING FOR REST<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">To laugh, to love, to
know, to understand<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">To have and be
sheltered, safe in His hands<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">To find it all here
in this small place<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">In times of
desperation, to see His face<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I Am is Him alone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">His nature at best<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I offer the
overwhelming<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">He gives me rest</span></div>
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<b style="text-indent: 36pt;"><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Gabrielle
B</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; text-indent: 36pt;">E.G.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">At
the time that I wrote this blog, in September 2002, I signed off everything I
wrote and painted with ‘E.G.’. This was an abbreviation for Eternal Gratitude
which was what I felt and hoped I would always feel. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-67473787640986218222014-01-18T18:33:00.000-08:002014-02-18T14:21:36.278-08:00'LIFE IS GOOD' - WRITTEN SHORTLY BEFORE STARTING RADIOTHERAPY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Prior
to my having radiotherapy in December 2002 I was experiencing extreme pain,
fatigue and nausea. After being awake from 4.30am with a blinding headache I
wrote the following about God’s ‘light’ that was keeping me going.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><u><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Life is good<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">“<i>Life is good<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And life is going to
continue to bring goodness<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">There is beauty now<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And I know there is
more beauty to come<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Things can be, and
are, painful<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Excruciatingly
painful<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But all things have
beauty<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">As with the stars on
a cloudy night<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">You continue to shine<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Behind the thick
clouds <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Of illness and pain<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Your light will still
keep me strong<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And it is that
strength that this light gives me<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That will shine out
and show God’s hand in all of this.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">There is beauty in
the dark hours<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">For it is at those
times <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That I can dream
about<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And anticipate the
sun<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That will shine over
my life</span></i><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">It
is amazing for me to read this piece of writing eleven years on from having had
radiotherapy, no longer having a brain tumour. Knowing that what I had to go
through with the radiotherapy was all worth it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
still have to endure living with continual pain and intense headaches. However,
what amazes me is that it is this same light that leads me on, this same light
that brings beauty into my dark times, and this same light that continues to
give me strength every day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">It
is also so incredible for me to be able to read this now, at a time in my life
when I am seeing many of my dreams come true.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
believe that having had great expectations about what God has had in store for
me, based on scripture, has had a huge impact on my life over these past 14 years. This belief kept alive in
me great hope for my future during times when I couldn’t even think beyond the
next hour. Somehow maintaining this hope that good things were to come during
the incredibly difficult years between 2000 and 2010 has led to my now seeing
some of those dreams come true. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">God
is good, life is good, and God has great plans for us all when we put our trust
in Him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-42439101137966751362013-04-10T00:47:00.001-07:002013-04-10T00:47:35.404-07:00THE IMPORTANCE OF DREAMING<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18pt;">I have just come
across something I wrote on September the 17<sup>th</sup> 2002 (while
preparing for radiotherapy):</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18pt;">"Dreaming and
hope are today’s expectation of what will be now, tomorrow.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18pt;">Dreams give the
inspiration to set goals,</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18pt;">For goals are merely
dreams with work-boots on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18pt;">Hope gives the
motivation and dedication to fulfill today's part of your dreams."</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18pt;">Now, 11 years on, I
am so glad I spent time dreaming as well as being anxious when my life was leading
up to radiotherapy.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-56003702810119016562012-11-19T23:24:00.001-08:002012-11-19T23:24:16.394-08:00MY LIFELINE DURING RADIOTHERAPY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-NZ" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">In the months before I had
radiotherapy in 2002 I was becoming too weak to lift my Bible. However, I
wanted be able to have the words that encouraged me and gave me strength easily
accessible. I decided to compile all the verses I loved into one book and put a
small piece of my artwork beside each verse. This was to remind me that I could
produce something beautiful when I was well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-NZ" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-NZ" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">This book became my lifeline. I had it
beside my bed where I spent <i>many</i> an
hour, I found it so helpful as I didn’t have the concentration to be reading
large excerpts of text. I have also found it fantastic over the years in that I
can take just one sentence from it and find something that feeds my spirit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-NZ" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">In the years between Radiotherapy in
2002 and my surgery in 2004 I compiled another group of verses that I named
“Verses for Peace, Patience and Perseverance”. These verses gave me the
strength to keep going, keep persevering and keep pushing forwards.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-NZ" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">In 2005 I was falling over a lot, my
vision became blurred. It was found early in 2006 that there were two blood
clots pressing against my brain stem. However, I had to wait for several months
for my surgery. With this surgery there was a chance that I was going to be
left with a facial palsy, be unable to see clearly, unable to walk unaided,
along with other potential after-effects. I began to experience anxiety like I
had never known before. It was then that I added a new chapter to my book. I put
verses together to turn to and repeat to myself over and over whenever those
anxious thoughts came. They truly ‘fed’ me during that time and continue to do
so when I am feeling anxious. They are entitled ‘Verses to Fight Anxiety and
Fear’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-NZ" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">After my surgery in ’06 I was too
weak to be able to sit at a desk and paint any more. And when my pain condition
progressed to my arms and hands in ’08, painting (and handwriting) went out the
window. This meant the last two ‘chapters’ of the book didn’t have any artwork
with them for <i>many</i> years. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-NZ" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I realised late in 2010 that I
hadn’t used my art equipment in many years. This was because of blurred vision
and then post-surgery weakness in 2006. When chronic hand pain entered the
scene in 2008 painting went right out the window. Our church was running an
exhibition to try and fundraise and so I decided to donate all my canvases and
art equipment to a church art group to use in the exhibition. I was extremely grateful
when the art group then gave me photos of their paintings to complete my book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-NZ" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-NZ" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I have been strong enough to lift my
Bible for many years now, but I still often turn to my copy of “Verses of
Comfort, Inspiration and Hope”. Ten years after my compiling this book of
verses I still find they are relevant and extremely encouraging. They give me
the strength and hope to keep me going.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-NZ" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-NZ" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Even though the original book was
only 5 pages long, it has been added to over the years it is now 40 A4 size
pages long. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-51037893747364658962012-04-30T23:34:00.001-07:002012-04-30T23:34:57.615-07:00CHANGING DURING RADIOTHERAPY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In
previous blogs about my journey leading up to and through radiotherapy I have
talked about how I was experiencing extreme weakness. However, when I look back
I can see that God was truly carrying me and strengthening me through that
time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Some
time after having radiotherapy I did a piece of artwork that became very
symbolic to me of how God changed me through my radiotherapy treatment period. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The
artwork originated as a pastel work of a flower that I scanned into my computer
and then played around with. While doing this, one image in particular really
caught my eye. This was it:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGi7wVLoPM8uK7EHVqybb8nuDF1-YL5QsMqSAqaUpSCBII32EFsAY-zGm1I04se5JraQx_ieXY_KR_MoxUHRXa6AgrB7I6Now6VCfX-9I1LniOCFZ6phctwxliNJnRghxALvvaF8z-xzc/s1600/Woman+of+Strength.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="342" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGi7wVLoPM8uK7EHVqybb8nuDF1-YL5QsMqSAqaUpSCBII32EFsAY-zGm1I04se5JraQx_ieXY_KR_MoxUHRXa6AgrB7I6Now6VCfX-9I1LniOCFZ6phctwxliNJnRghxALvvaF8z-xzc/s400/Woman+of+Strength.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">To
me this picture represented a woman with her head bowed down in submission and
surrender. She has one arm stretching out, wanting to move forward; the other
arm reaching up to heaven giving thanks to God for His holding her future. To
me this portrayed a woman of strength. Even though this isn’t how the world
perceives strength, it was very much how my strength was growing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I
had my eye on the future and was reaching out towards it, wanting to move into
wellness again. But at the same time didn’t have the strength in myself to do
so. It was only in submitting and surrendering to God and allowing His joy to
fill me (what the yellow in the picture represents) that I found the strength
to keep putting one foot in front of the other. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">10
years on from my having radiotherapy and doing this piece of art, I feel that this
picture, done all those years ago, still represents me. I continually want to
move forward in my life and to move on from pain and weakness and into a place
of joy, strength and freedom. However, in order to do so I continually have to
surrender to God and rely on Him for strength. All the while I am being filled
with joy - which is what the yellow in this picture represents.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
</div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-58731573601315808042012-03-20T21:32:00.002-07:002012-03-20T21:32:46.698-07:00MY PRESENT DAY BLOG<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">You may or may not be aware that I have another blog running in
conjunction to this one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">It is called kiwibraintumoursurvivor-TODAY and is my present day
blog (as opposed to this blog which is being written in retrospect) sharing
insights and experiences. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">It can be accessed it through this link: <a href="http://www.kiwibraintumoursurvivor-today.blogspot.co.nz/">http://www.kiwibraintumoursurvivor-today.blogspot.co.nz/</a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
</div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-30035900642325522532012-01-20T13:51:00.000-08:002012-01-20T13:51:38.016-08:00MY ART 'THERAPY' DURING RADIOTHERAPY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">During the six weeks in 2002 that we stayed at Domain Lodge
(a motel for patients undergoing cancer treatment), while I underwent
radiotherapy, I was <i>extremely</i> weak. I
decided before I began the treatment that I wanted to spend some time each day
doing something artistic. That I wanted to do one thing, even though incredibly
small, every day. I can’t really explain just how weak I was during this
period, and how <i>extremely</i> small this
one thing was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Nearly every evening I would go out on the little balcony outside
my bedroom and sit and do a few strokes of colour onto black paper with my
pastels. I had chosen black because to me it symbolized the darkness that I felt
was hovering around behind me in that Lodge. Even though it was a beautiful
building, I was so very aware of the fact, from my first visit there, that
everyone there was struggling with cancer and was walking a hard road, so black
in the background seemed fitting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Colours still strongly represented themes to me and I titled
the artworks with just one or two words. In the six weeks I was staying at
Domain Lodge I only managed to do six pieces of art but they are very symbolic
of what I felt I needed, and what I was experiencing during this time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.5pt; border: none; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0mm 0mm 1.0pt 0mm;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext 1.5pt; mso-padding-alt: 0mm 0mm 1.0pt 0mm; padding: 0mm;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Each piece of art I did was <i>extremely</i>
abstract but was somehow a way of reinforcing in my mind what it represented. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext 1.5pt; mso-padding-alt: 0mm 0mm 1.0pt 0mm; padding: 0mm;">
<br /></div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The first artwork was what I felt I greatly needed for that
time. I only had the strength to put one foot in front of the other; making it across
the road to each day’s treatment was all I could manage. Every day I hoped and
prayed that going </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">through the radiotherapy treatment would, in time, pay off
and that my tumor would either stop growing or recede. I knew I would have to
wait before either of these things would be visible.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">“PATIENCE”</span></u></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwPqjpc4ymiXBsr-Rf0DdPUAXivJ1gKBBXvzKIHYZ5RqY-lwZU9Vl0i39JO5g8DpvFHTtWMNjFU1z2bsZKn7WhsBs2bOMXgzDyVEIBDrYWCwXyjOBEddMO-PBQ_u_cHPmoCMtjmGmz0No/s1600/Patience.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="340" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwPqjpc4ymiXBsr-Rf0DdPUAXivJ1gKBBXvzKIHYZ5RqY-lwZU9Vl0i39JO5g8DpvFHTtWMNjFU1z2bsZKn7WhsBs2bOMXgzDyVEIBDrYWCwXyjOBEddMO-PBQ_u_cHPmoCMtjmGmz0No/s400/Patience.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The next three pieces were themed around faith. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">In spite of having no idea whether the radiotherapy was
actually going to work, I did feel faith rising up within me. I believed that
even though I couldn’t see or feel any change in my tumour, that it would be
halted by this treatment. (The blue in the artwork represented faith and was
reaching to the higher lightness that flowed over it)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">FAITH GROWING<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii0hNc-ZLFgySkh0nbL5qgWrodZrKJD7gPtDTz6AqqTENr_b4rfDLMeC0JXO4PfvPTDC1iKvamZshncYEPDZ8JazCcVpAwdfwJeTZmflV1q_oWo-_uz7en3KDGxJGywJvEjh6ghPqj0NI/s1600/07-11-02+sharp+faith.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="390" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii0hNc-ZLFgySkh0nbL5qgWrodZrKJD7gPtDTz6AqqTENr_b4rfDLMeC0JXO4PfvPTDC1iKvamZshncYEPDZ8JazCcVpAwdfwJeTZmflV1q_oWo-_uz7en3KDGxJGywJvEjh6ghPqj0NI/s400/07-11-02+sharp+faith.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<br /></div>
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The following piece pretty accurately summed up how my faith
was also being challenged some days. I was too weak to fight these challenges
to my faith but thankfully God carried me through it all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> <b><u>“FAITH IN A SPIN” <o:p></o:p></u></b></span></div>
<br />
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<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1ZCycouDS7nuenNIhv9VLYlz8sJ2pJqwzs6i2-p65wpVtB2EK2wBas43KkO7g3V3uyp_xUK74ck0VUBxJk62rWrRU5VuK1EGUgpb0xGvXQJ1CTt-MLF_NL5FIYLi_n0Tl98hlhyphenhypheno7UO8/s1600/07-11-02+faith+in+a+spin.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="390" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1ZCycouDS7nuenNIhv9VLYlz8sJ2pJqwzs6i2-p65wpVtB2EK2wBas43KkO7g3V3uyp_xUK74ck0VUBxJk62rWrRU5VuK1EGUgpb0xGvXQJ1CTt-MLF_NL5FIYLi_n0Tl98hlhyphenhypheno7UO8/s400/07-11-02+faith+in+a+spin.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">More than anything I felt completely and utterly washed out
during my time of radiotherapy and there were undoubtedly days that it felt
like my faith was also washing out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 21px;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"> <u>“FAITH WASHED OUT”<o:p></o:p></u></span></b></div>
<br />
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<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">As I have already said, I was so very weak while I underwent
the six weeks of treatment and more than anything I needed God’s strength to
get me through. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">“Strength”<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<br />
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<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5VMLdGbHytkDHHD8r5qyjuXedG_HNfV3WlrqmrPFUwJNzEX_d7SDbkLnUX8TJj9lpqFSJX-CUldeCvOPQaFZAig6zKcNMQ-44iEnFaep5wvOkthfaiJ_qu93al49YlqI2iWAu9Trc2KQ/s1600/8-11-02+strength+%2528modified+-+1%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="385" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5VMLdGbHytkDHHD8r5qyjuXedG_HNfV3WlrqmrPFUwJNzEX_d7SDbkLnUX8TJj9lpqFSJX-CUldeCvOPQaFZAig6zKcNMQ-44iEnFaep5wvOkthfaiJ_qu93al49YlqI2iWAu9Trc2KQ/s400/8-11-02+strength+%2528modified+-+1%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Finally, the last picture that I did was what I could feel deep
inside my being. In spite of no doubt looking utterly exhausted, having a
throbbing head 24 hours a day due to the swelling the radiation caused in my
brain, and my hair starting to fall out, joy was what I felt. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">“Abundant Joy”</span></u></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<br />
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</div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-24209018487143075462011-12-18T23:55:00.000-08:002011-12-19T21:52:31.774-08:00ONE OF THE GREATEST BLESSINGS OF HAVING GONE THROUGH RADIOTHERAPY – TERRY WHAITIRI<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Near the end
of my radiotherapy a dear old family friend gave me $100 to go and get my hair
styled around my bald patch (from where the radio-waves had entered), a cut
that it would conceal it. I chose to go to Servilles, one of the top hair
salons in Auckland, in Mission Bay. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">A lovely female
hairdresser, the head of the business, cut and styled my hair brilliantly so
that my bald patch was completely concealed. At the end of my cut she invited
to come back whenever I wanted to get a free head massage from a junior in the company,
Terry Whaitiri. I accepted the invitation and went back to the salon on a
regular basis, in spite of the great distance from my home to the salon. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">A close
friendship developed between Terry and me and through his kindness I would go
and get my hair cut and dyed for a ridiculously low price for many years to
come. Those years included from 2004 – 2007 when I gained 40kg in 14 months, and
those hair styling sessions were like pure gold to me. I would often go into
the salon feeling in an utterly exhausted emotional slump but would always
leave feeling a million dollars and with my hair looking fabulous. It really
can’t be overstated the power that being made to look good has on making you
also feel better.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">This I think
was the philosophy behind a charity group that was started in America in 1987called
‘Look Good, Feel Better’. This group works with women undergoing cancer
treatment, teaches the women how to apply makeup properly and pamper themselves
and then sends them away with a bag full of top of line cosmetics. ‘Look Good,
Feel Better’ was a blessing for that time. Terry Whaitiri has been a blessing,
and a friend, that I think will last for a lifetime! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Terry is now
also a makeup artist and since October 2009 has come down to my home (an hour’s
drive each way) and does my hair, gives me a full makeover and has a meal with
me. We have had many a laugh when he has done ‘themed’ makeovers and He truly is
one of the greatest blessings of these past 9 years.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Truly there
are treasures to be found in any dark roads we may have to walk down in life.</span><br />
<br />
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<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span id="goog_1291244903"></span><span id="goog_1291244904"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span id="goog_253422683"></span><span id="goog_253422684"></span></div>
</div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-69243131588603243492011-12-13T15:07:00.000-08:002011-12-13T15:07:04.245-08:00MY PATCHWORK BLESSING THROUGH RADIOTHERAPY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Prior to my starting radiotherapy a dear family friend made the
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">On one side of the quilt were colourful, bright tropical
flowers that had been magnificently patch-worked into hexagons. The backdrop to
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The other side of the quilt was a solid block of differently
coloured hibiscus which weren’t quite as bright as the patchwork side. When I
had severe headaches, or when extra visual stimulation was too much, I would
turn the quilt over and have this side up. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">To add to the beauty of the quilt, everywhere there were
flowers was stitched with a variegated thread. This varied in colour so that it
showed all the colours of the rainbow winding through the quilt. What inspired
me through this thread, even though a thread is such a simple thing, was that
it didn’t stop changing colour. That made me think about how my life wouldn’t
stop changing ‘colour’ either, that I would move on from the exhausted ‘dark’
time I was experiencing and into a brighter future. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Since my time at fashion design school colours had very
distinctly symbolised different things to me. In my mind blue symbolised peace;
yellow symbolised joy;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>green, a
combination of both peace (blue) and joy (yellow), symbolised hope;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>red symbolised passion; orange, a combination
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Having this thread, which changed colour from one inch to the
next, showed me the ‘thread’ that ran my own life - that life would always be
beautiful. Even when I was moving through periods of darkness, just around the
corner peace, passion, joy, hope, strength, and purity would always be there
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">This quilt was given to me to take to Domain Lodge (the
Cancer Society Motel opposite Auckland Hospital) and was such a beautiful ray
of sunshine for me. It was the first thing I saw when I entered my room and it
just brought me such joy to look at while lying in bed during those 6 weeks of
treatment. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I will be forever grateful to this wonderful friend and for the
precious gift she gave me.</span></div>
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</div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-51194494496077478392011-11-29T18:51:00.001-08:002011-12-03T14:45:43.635-08:00“THE LOST RADIOTHERAPY TAPES – “GOD IN ALL HIS MAGNITUDE....”<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-size: 16pt;">“God, in all His magnitude is not too majestic and mighty to move and
guide <i>all </i>our ways … even the most minute and intricate of details.”</span></div>
</div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-77199342228318782382011-11-05T00:00:00.000-07:002011-11-05T00:00:00.765-07:00THE LOST RADIOTHERAPY TAPES - "THE MOST UNEXPECTED OF JOYS..... OUR BRIGHTEST MOMENTS"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 18pt;">"It
is often the most unexpected joys that make the brightest moments in our lives."
</span></div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-50010584013761720572011-11-04T00:00:00.000-07:002011-11-04T00:00:02.220-07:00'THE LOST RADIOTHERAPY TAPES - '"HE HEALING INKIND WORDS"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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words are like an ointment that brings healing to the heart and spirit many
years after the words have been spoken.”</span></div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-51666283688460564002011-11-03T00:00:00.000-07:002011-11-03T00:00:03.754-07:00THE LOST RADIOTHERAPY TAPES - "ALL THINGS... ALL DREAMS... ALL MOMENTS"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<![endif]--><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-AU; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">"All
things are made possible by faith. All dreams begin as hope. All moments are
made easy by grace." </span></div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-26275192758412246642011-11-02T00:00:00.000-07:002011-11-02T00:00:00.136-07:00The Lost Radiotherapy Tapes - " A TRUTH FOUND IN 'NATURE BOY'"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 18pt;">“The
song ‘Nature Boy’ emphasises a truth. That the greatest gift of all, is to love
and be loved in return.”</span><br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_631350471"><br /></a><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Iq0XJCJ1Srw" width="420"></iframe> </span></div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-54337275322205827592011-10-30T17:02:00.000-07:002011-10-30T17:02:50.376-07:00KIWIBRAINTUMOURSURVIVOR-TODAY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: large;">On September 29 I started a new 'sister' blog to this one. My reasons for doing so are in the first blog. You can access it here: <a href="http://kiwibraintumoursurvivor-today.blogspot.com/">http://kiwibraintumoursurvivor-today.blogspot.com/</a>.</span></div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-83986783362278144872011-10-30T00:49:00.000-07:002011-10-30T13:40:39.102-07:00THE HEALING IN KIND WORDS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 18pt;">“Kind
words are like an ointment that brings healing to the heart and spirit many
years after the words have been spoken.”</span></div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-91614935537672164252011-10-30T00:17:00.001-07:002011-10-30T00:21:15.113-07:00THE LOST RADIOTHERAPY TAPES - "THERE IS NO BLESSING TOO SMALL."<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"</span></b><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">There is no
blessing that is too small to not say thank you."</span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Gabrielle B.</span></b></div>
</div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-29494634177323437652011-10-30T00:09:00.000-07:002011-10-30T00:21:15.127-07:00THE LOST DICTAPHONE TAPES - 'THE GREATEST GIFT A PERSON CAN RECIEVE'<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"</span></b><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I think that the
greatest gift that anyone can receive is fond memories."</span></div>
</div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-47127784039319380942011-10-25T18:14:00.000-07:002011-10-25T18:14:12.964-07:00THE LOST RADIOTHERAPY TAPES – 'HOPE FOR METAMORPHOSIS’<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The following Dictaphone entry was so quiet, because of the
extreme weakness I was experiencing, that I had to listen to it several times
to hear what was said. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“It’s weird but I’ve been thinking of late about caterpillars
and butterflies. For the first part of a butterfly’s life it is a relatively
boring, camouflaged creature. For the 2<sup>nd</sup> phase of its life it goes
into seeming hibernation. During this stage in the life of a butterfly nothing
seems to be happening, and yet the most amazing transformation is occurring.
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<i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I’m beginning to wonder if that is what this time is, if this
is my cocoon stage and that maybe, just maybe, I will one day emerge from this
as a beautiful butterfly and will be able to spread my wings and fly.”</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
</div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-85937039313763498602011-10-17T14:25:00.000-07:002011-10-17T14:25:56.389-07:00CONTENTMENT FROM A PARALYSIS PERSPECTIVE:<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Taking a brief break from ‘The Lost
Radiotherapy Tapes’ series on this blog, I wanted to include a blog on the
contentment experienced by somebody that has been through far greater
hardship<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>than I have. Her name is Joni
Eareckson Tada.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is someone who has
given me a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">huge</i> amount of inspiration
over the past 11 years. Her situation couldn’t be more different and difficult than
mine but she has found hope and strength to keep pushing on in spite of her
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">As
a teenager, Joni dived into some water unaware of how shallow it was. She broke
her neck and became a </span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quadriplegic" title="Quadriplegic"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">quadriplegic</span></a></span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">, paralyzed from the shoulders down. While
her friends were preparing to go to university in the autumn, Joni was fighting
for her life and facing the fact that she would have to live the rest of her
life in a wheelchair. Joni’s rehabilitation was not easy, and she struggled
through it for the next two years. She was angry, struggled with depression,
and had frequent thoughts of suicide. Her book relates her questions of how </span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God" title="God"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">God</span></a></span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> let this
happen to her. She participated in various rehabilitation programs that taught
her how to live with her disabilities, and says she immersed herself in the
Bible to become spiritually strong.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Despite
her severe disability, she has led an adventurous life. She has written over
forty books, recorded several musical albums, starred in a major
autobiographical movie of her life and is actively involved as an advocate for
disabled people. During her two years of rehabilitation, Joni learned how to
paint with a brush between her teeth, and later began selling her artwork.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">In
spite of the limitations that Joni’s paralysis put on her, she found contentment
in her life. Here is Joni’s take on contentment. </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Confined
Contentment<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></u></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br />
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content
whatever the circumstances... --Philippians 4:11<br />
<br />
“Will I ever be happy again? It's all I could think of after I got out of the
hospital and wheeled through the front door of my home. Doorways were too
narrow and sinks were too high. I sat at the dining room table, my knees
hitting the edge. A plate of food was placed in front of me, but my hands
remained limp in my lap. Someone else - at least for the first few months - fed
me. I felt confined and trapped.<br />
<br />
My confinement forced me to look at another captive. The apostle Paul had seen
the inside of more than one small room from which there was no escape. For over
two years, he was shifted from "pillar to post" until finally he
arrived in Rome where he remained under house arrest. When Paul wrote to thank
the church in Philippi for their concern, he reassured them with the words of
today's verse. Paul became my example in my own "prison;" I learned -
and am still learning - the secret of being content. The apostle writes about
this secret in Philippians 4:13, "I can do everything through him who
gives me strength." Contentment in confinement has
an internal quietness of heart that gladly submits to God in all circumstances.<br />
<br />
When I say "quietness of heart," I'm not ruling out the prison bars
and wheelchairs. What I am ruling out is peevish thoughts, plotting ways of
escape, and fretting that only leads to anxiety. Contentment is a sedate spirit
that finds its strength in Jesus. Contentment comes from many great and small
acceptances in life. As the saying goes, when life isn't the way you like it,
like it the way it is... one day at a time with Christ.”</span></div>
</div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-51746882902568539732011-10-13T09:00:00.000-07:002011-10-13T17:58:56.318-07:00THE LOST RADIOTHERAPY TAPES - CONTENTMENT<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div dir="rtl" style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">It has only been in losing everything that I have come to
see that there is so much joy, contentment<span>
</span>and satisfaction to be found without any <i>things</i>. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">In losing everything I have gained everything. In having nothing, I think I have discovered the most
valuable thing that life has to offer – that as is, where is, one can be enough and be content. </span></span></div>
</div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-70062570458035511042011-10-12T14:04:00.001-07:002011-10-12T21:12:11.777-07:00THE HEALING IN KIND WORDS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-size: 18pt;">“Kind words are like a salve that bring healing to the heart and spirit many years after the words have been spoken.”</span></div>
</div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-62890018381592913802011-10-11T00:26:00.001-07:002011-10-11T01:06:19.192-07:00THE LOST RADIOTHERAPY TAPES - 'THE REASON WE WERE CREATED'<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-AU" style="font-size: 18pt;">“The reason that we were created was so that we could share God’s creation
with Him. So that we could learn to love and laugh with Him. So that we could
know Him intimately.”</span></div>
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gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6631305755624504876.post-22303491254712322692011-10-05T00:31:00.000-07:002011-10-05T00:31:17.476-07:00THE LOST RADIOTHERAPY TAPES - 'INSIGHT'<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-NZ</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU" style="font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“The things that we spend our whole lives striving for – joy, contentment, satisfaction, worth – are right in front of us. We just need to learn how to gain the sight to see them and the strength to look within – insight.”</span></div></div>gabrielle bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14164919591332277554noreply@blogger.com